Snippets from the marriage convention

Hello all!

I think my past few entries have been ranting entries so I have decided to write about something more constructive bah. Ah mi and I attended a marriage convention a couple of weeks ago and I think I'll share what we have learnt there at the seminar for any courting, marrying or married couples bah. Single people can learn some stuff too! Wahahaha! The following are the notes I took down during the seminar. :)

So here it goes:

Tips for maintaining a good married relationship - G.I.F.T

G - Get in the game

I - Invest in a great sex life

F - Figure it out, decision making together

T - Tough on yourself, Tender on each other

So for "G" point, if I remember correctly, it means that you have to drill it in your head that you are in a serious relationship already. So it's time to behave and act in a responsible manner, taking into consideration not only yourself, but also your partner in every action that you take. I guess the "F" point means similar thing.

As for the "I" point, I don't know yet leh.. *blush* any experienced couples out there please let me know, okay? :)

And finally "T". This is a point where I think it's very important. Most of the time, when things go wrong, people have a tendency to blame someone for it. For couples, that someone is usually the partner. This is quite a bad thing to do as it really damages a relationship. So like what the speakers at the marriage convention said, be tough on yourself! However this have to be both ways, of course, if not one side will "kena" bullied until quite bad one leh.

Let me see ah.. next up in my notes is the phrase "Emotion follows decision - money = bad" *scratch head* I can't really remember what exactly the speakers said, but I think it'd got something to do with couples getting very emotional about decisions related to money. The Chinese has a saying 钱不是万能的，但是没钱是万万不能的. Which is quite true to some extent, and money does have a way of hurting relationships most of the time. So I guess it's trying to tell us to cool it when it comes to money. While money is important, it definitely is not more important than the relationship, right?

A graph is next, but please don't expect me to draw a graph here hor.. my art get very high marks one, D7, so I don't want to "wow" you all too much with my drawing here. :P I shall just describe the graph in words bah. This is a graph of marital satifaction against life stages, and it is most definitely not a straight line (more like the lines on a Richter scale when a 7.0 earthquake hits).

• At the first stage, wedding, the satisfaction level is still relatively high, due to the excitement of the wedding and all. Then it slowly drops as the excitement of the wedding and a new life settles in, couples having their first fights and all.
  
  
• Next stage will be the birth of the first child. The freedom of the couple is suddenly lost. The husband suddenly has to fight for the attention of the wife now. So from this stage on, the gradient is going down even steeper.
  
  
• A major upheaval follows when the child enters school, a lot of divorces, remarriages happen during this period. Couples are advised to have someone whom they can talk to and have advice from, sort of a mentor couple.
  
  
• If they survive this rough period, things will... continue to go down. :S this is due to mid life crisis of the wife. At this stage, they will be wondering what is their purpose in life. Husbands, please don't reply with :"Cooking, cleaning up and doing laundry loh!" That's like the worst possible answer to give.
  
  
• Next stage is another big earthquake as it will reach the mid life crisis of the husband, menopause for the wife and the teenage years of the kid. I would say this is the lowest point of the entire marriage so prepare for it bah.
  
  
• However, if you survive this second earthquake, there will be good times ahead, as the children will start having their own lives, giving the couple more private space for each other. :D The graph will start going up at this point (finally.. phew!).
  
  
• Finally, after reaching the peak of the graph sometime after the big shakeup, the slope goes down again due to old age, and the sorrow of losing your partner.

And that my friends, is the graph of our lives ahead. Looking at the actual graph and summarising, I would say that from the point that a couple gets married, the marital satisfaction will keep going down until the couple reaches their 50s, even 60s before starting to go up again. Sounds scary, isn't it? Marriage is not a bed of roses, that's for sure.

Anyway there are a lot more materials from the seminar that have not been covered yet, but I don't think i have the ability to sit here and type for so long also. So I guess I shall stop here bah. Let me leave a quote that I have read somewhere regarding marriage bah.

"Do not marry someone whom you can live with, marry someone whom you cannot live without"

Cheers,
Pete

P.S. Sorry for the Lor Sor entry hor :P